My absence CW: depression

You don’t know me Paula, but I’ve followed your story since the early fp2 days … Best wishes and get better soon. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My partner has cyclic depression, CBT helped Sri’s get you through the worst ( with nasty side effects it’s true). There will be good days again. Keep safe!



for you, paula


I feel you, Paula. All the best.


Hi Paula, I’m sorry for the late reply from my end. Please don’t worry about the discussion we and @Stanzi had in another forum topic. That was not meant personally. I wish you all the best finding a place to get treated. I have seen someone near me (also LGBTQ+) wait quite some time to get into the right centre to be treated for mental problems, but come out of it much better and I have no doubt that this is possible for you as well. I know you’re not religious, nevertheless I hope you don’t mind I will pray for you.

edit: oops, accidentally replied to one of the other replies instead of the actual topic. Can’t see how I can edit that out without deleting & re-creating my post.


It really does.

On Monday she told me that she even talked to a lot of colleagues and they all agreed, that there is a big gap in the system for cases like me.

Yesterday, for the first time, I actually saw my psychiatrist and didn’t just talk to her on the phone. She prescribed a whole bunch of additional medication. I hope they’ll have some positive effect soon.
Other than that not a lot has happened. Today I’m tired all the time and fall asleep every half an hour or so - but at least that keeps me from thinking.
Oh yeah, one more thing has happened. On Monday during therapy we made a crazy intense exercise that made me cry like a child right in front of my therapist. I felt the aftermath of that exercise for 24 hours, but at least it fulfilled it’s purpose - I can now really control my bad thoughts a bit better and don’t get totally desperate and overwhelmed by them.
So in a way there is a bit of an upwards trend.


All the very best, Paula, for steps forward. Please remember, you deserve to be happy!


Hey Paula, unbekannterweise auch von mir die besten Wünsche!
Und eine kleine Anregung, die mich selbst vor einiger Zeit zum Staunen brachte: Ein Kollege von mir, eine echte Leistungskanone, litt plötzlich unter Antriebsarmut, konnte sich nicht mehr konzentrieren, bekam nix mehr gebacken, litt in der Folge an Depressionen und Lebensängste. Gleichzeitig ist er ziemlich schlagartig ergraut.

Arztodyssee der Sorte “The system sucks!”.

Dann stellte ein Arzt Kupfermangel fest. Er nahm fortan Kupfer (und auch Zink) und heute ist er wieder fit.


all the best - things will get better again! :fist:


I need help!
Is anyone online right now and can distract me from my bad thoughts with a nice story or something?
Just until I fall asleep. Thanks.

You got mail from me.


Okay the situation just changed completely. I got distraction in the form of an ant colony trying to conquer my room. I was suddenly surrounded by the sound of millions of tiny wings flapping. I admitted defeat and left the room for tonight.

Paula, although I’m not there with you to observe what you are currently observing, from a distance it sounds like you may be experiencing a psychotic episode. Please seek urgent medical attention. Call 112 if you feel at all scared, worried or threatened.


Oh no, the ants were real, not just in my head.
I switched to another room and fell asleep quickly. Now I’m much better.
The ants left and only left a few dead ones behind.
But thanks for your concern.


In that case, my apologies for jumping to conclusions! I’m glad to hear you didn’t descend that deep. I’ve seen it happen around me several times, recovery from psychosis takes a long time. Better to be safe than sorry… :innocent:


It’s time again for a little update.

Yesterday my therapist called me “latently suicidal” and said she was worried about me. I just answered I was worried too.
We discussed skills I could use and emergency contacts I could call if push came to shove, instead of hurting myself or worse.

Lately I’m spiraling downwards again even though I’m taking more and more pills.
I’m feeling lonely and lost and there is little to nothing that I enjoy anymore.


Paula, I know you’re such a brave and strong woman. You’ll get through this.

I just feel to say that we love you. I mean it: we love you. We should probably say those things more regularly, but… we humans are a total mess, you already know. But I want you to take a look at this thread: you’re one of these wonderful people. Hope you remember this whenever your head is full of bad thoughts, :slight_smile:

Take care of yourself, love yourself. Handle one issue at a time. See you around here! :wink:

All the best! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


Hallo Paula,
fühl dich auch von mir aufs allerliebste gedrückt. Bitte denk an diese Community wenn es dir wieder richtig schlecht geht, wir denken stets an dich und helfen dir gerne wie wir auch können. Du hast hier eine große Familie


I wished I could help here, but my own more or less futile attempts to cope with my issues cannot provide any of that. I wrote to Paula in late May already that I was missing her on the forum and let me say I’m glad to keep reading from you here. :slight_smile:



Letztes Jahr begleitete ich einen meiner Freunde, weil er sich fast in der gleichen Situation befand. Glück, dass er in den Händen eines guten Therapeuten war. Außerdem waren wir aus dem Freundeskreis immer in seiner Nähe. Ich hoffe und wünsche mir, dass dein Freund*innen sich mit dir in Verbindung setzen und bei dir sein werden. Ich bin der Meinung, dass die Nähe zu den Menschen in dieser Situation sehr wichtig ist.


Thank you so much everybody for your kind words.
Of course its not the same as having the kind of friends that I’d need in real life, but its the next best thing. This community is really awesome! :heart: