I wrote a lengthy post about how the connection doesn’t work and then it turns out, the app only can see the fairbuds if they are out of the case. which I would not have expected, given that most devices want to be cradled as much as possible when they’re updating their firmware. It also doesn’t say it in the text up front, just that i should put them in pairing mode (which only works when they are in the case).
Firmware update is in progress with the fairbuds laying raw on the table. Let’s hope for the best.
EDIT: It took a could of tries of reconnecting them to the app, but now they seem to not be bricked and on the most recent software version. The audio is still out of sync with the video.